Better Than Jason Bourne

What weighs roughly 15 pounds, is basically immobile and could be used to break a suspected terrorist into admitting his next attack? You're probably thinking, "That's easy, it's a loudspeaker playing Celine Dion endlessly." Well, you would be close but it's actually a 3 month old baby!

Forget water boarding suspected spies or terrorists to get info, just force them to care for an infant for about two days. After a couple of days of that I bet they would be willing to sell out their sweet, old grandmother and her famous hummus recipe for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep! That, or they would be so delirious from the lack of sleep that they would tell you the secret knock to get into their fancy terrorist cave in the mountains of Afghanistan without a second thought. That's assuming that terrorist caves have some sort of door. Maybe they don't, having never been to the middle east I'm not really sure what they do. Maybe it's just a beaded curtain or a burlap sack or something. Whatever it is, I'm pretty certain you need a secret password of some sort to get in and a terrorist having to sleep with an infant nearby will give that up in a heartbeat.

Heck, if you catch me or my wife at the right moment we'd probably give up our bank account and social security numbers without even knowing we did it!

By the way, I was up early again this morning when our very own rooster known as Baby J woke us up and I was thinking about this email I received from the deposed prince of Namibia. He told me he needs somebody to send him some money to get out of the country. He promised once he was out and had access to the royal family fortune he would return the favor. I think it's a really great opportunity and how often to you hear from royalty? Does anybody know where you go to wire money to Namibia?

Anyway, all that being said, I don't want to give the wrong impression. Our son is amazing and I wouldn't trade him for anything...maybe that's sleep deprivation talking.