Listomania! You Call This Food?

For a long time I’ve been toying with the idea of posting lists to this blog. Yep I’m one of those people. You know, the person who spends arguably too much time putting lists together before starting any actual work. In my defense though I pose this question: how can you get anything done if you don’t know what you need to do? If you expect me to simply remember it you’re living in a dream world!

I admit though, my list-love goes a bit further than a simple “to-do this weekend” type of list. One year I maintained a list of every album I purchased. It ended up being over 60. I also started a list of my top 100 songs of all time. I never finished that one because it was constantly changing. I’ve also maintained a list over the past several years detailing every book I’ve read and, I hesitate to admit, I’ve also given each book a letter grade. My wife and I recently put together a list of all the projects we would like to get done around the house. Yep, she’s a “lister” too. It’s probably why we ended up getting married. Though she's not as list crazy as I am. That's why we're still married! (among many other reasons)

As I recall she had her own list when we met 8 years ago. Her's was a list of attributes that, in a perfect world, she was looking for in a husband and I’m pretty sure I nailed most of them. Accept for the only child part and S’s in the

last name part. She totally bombed out there. She may argue about how many of the other things on her list I really matched but she can save that discussion for her own blog. If you want to read it I think it's called WhyMyHusbandIsAmazing.blogspot.com.


I know what you’re thinking right now. You’re thinking if you have small children that you’re going to encourage them not to pay attention to the weird, skinny man. And if you don’t have children you’re probably trying to figure out your own list of ways to avoid conversation with me in the future. That’s fine, I understand. Just know that you might end up on another one of my lists!

Back to my point, as I said I’ve been thinking about posting some lists. I’ve been mulling over what direction to go with this and considered a “My 10 Favorite _____” or “The 5 best ____” but I realized there’s more opportunity for humor in a “Least Favorite” list! So I've decided to post my 5 least favorite foods along with my often contradictory and nonsensical reasons for loathing each of them so much. I originally intended to post them all at once but as I thought about it I realized I needed to break them up or this blog was going to become a novel. You'll just have to come back for the remainder of the list throughout the next few days.

So without further ado here are numbers 5 and 4 on my list of “5 Least Favorite Foods”:

#5: Tomatoes – I should be clear on this one. Overall tomatoes actually aren’t that bad as long as they are in salsa or marinara form. I love those. It’s the tomato by itself in its raw state that makes this list. A thick, wet, slimy slice on a burger? Yummy!Or little cubed jelly-like red blobs on my taco? Tasty! That’s where I have a problem. Plus a tomato, by definition, is a fruit and a fruit should, in general, be sweet. Like a peach or a watermelon. A tomato is most-assuredly not sweet and it’s filled with a slimy, seed filled, gelatinous goo. Enough said.

#4: Mushrooms - my reason for disliking this so much is easy and I'm not sure how it can be argued against. One word for you - Fungus. That's all you need to know. I'm not eating a food that is related in some way to athlete's foot even if it's a very distant relation. Plus the line between a "good" mushroom and one that will kill you in quick order is very, very thin. Any food that might require a call to poison control if ingested is not a food I'm interested in. Some people will say that it's, "an acquired taste." Well, see the reasons above for why I'm not interested in acquiring a taste for it.

Coming up on the next installment of Listomania!, the remainder of the list...